What to expect when your child is coping with natural disaster (Part III)

Children are very sensitive to their parent’s emotions. During stressful times children will sense their parent’s feelings of grief, worry, frustration and uncertainty and their behavior and emotional states will be affected. However, there are many things that parents can do to help their children cope with the grief and uncertainty in the family and community.
 
Tips for parents
 
Children under 3 years of age
 
-      Keep daily routines
-      Avoid inaccurate descriptions, referring to death as ‘sleeping’ or ‘going somewhere far away’.
-      Provide extra comfort and reassurance; tell them that they are safe with the family. Hold and cuddle them more this will help them to feel more secure and comforted.
-      They might have trouble sleeping after watching trauma on the news. Parents should spend extra time at bedtime, playing quiet games, reading stories and providing general comfort and reassurance. If they have nightmares, calmly explain to them that the dream is not reality and they are safe at home with their family.
-      Separation anxiety is normal among young children, especially during this period. Try to stay with your children more and avoid unnecessary separations. For daily short separations, tell them that where you are going and what will you do. Reassure them that you will be back and actually come back within the time you promised.  
-      If fear is based on unrealistic and irrational thoughts, talk to them about what they are thinking and feeling
-      Believe in your children’s ability to face difficulties and solve problems
-      Maintain a positive attitude towards life. Reassure them that they will be safe and death mostly happens when we are very old.
 
 
Children 4-7 years of age
 
-      Keep daily routines.
-      Young children might have simple notions about death and disaster. Occasionally they will express their feelings with rituals like replaying the disaster from what they have seen on the news. Accept these reactions and guide them in naming their feelings during this type of play. Help them to see the difference in the play and the reality of the disaster and discover the positive side in facing it (e.g. when he destroys a house by the earthquake, say that rescue teams are coming to save people’s lives and there would be survivors.).
-      Children of this age still haven’t grasped a clear of concept of passage of time and death. They might wonder if dead people will wake up and come back to life. Be honest with them that dead people have passed away and won’t be returning to their loved ones, but death usually occurs when we are very old. Tell them that we will remember the people that have died but that our lives go on. Parents and other close family members are the centre of children’s lives.
-      Listen to his questions and encourage him to ask more, if you do not know the answer, than be honest and seek the answer together. Children at this age might not be able to articulate their feelings. Encourage him to express feelings in play, drawing and story time.
-      Share your feelings to with them
-      Limit media exposure. Especially those with negative and dramatic portrayal of the disasters. Vivid pictures and videos should be avoided. Don’t watch unrealistic or superstitious dramas or stories which trigger fears about death
-      They may experience overwhelming feelings of insecurity from viewing the affects of the natural disaster on news. They might have fears of losing control over things. Encourage them take control over small things like putting on clothes, having choices in food, stories and games. Also explain to him that people can actually protect themselves. Share real stories that people might even have had courage and ability to save others.
Children might become fearful if there are reminders of the disaster in their surroundings that reminds him of the event. Explain the differences, between what happened than and what is happening now.
 
Children 7-12 years of age
 
-      Be honest. Explain to him that what actually happened and your feelings about it. Tell them that it’s tragic but your lives will continue
-      School-aged children are more able to express their feelings and views in words. Listen to his emotions and enquiries. Encourage him to express feelings in play, drawing and story time.
-      While watching the news or television about the disaster, try to take an objective view of the event and ways to prevent it.
-      TV exposure of the disaster might frighten them. Nightmares and worries of their lives are common. Limit the television viewing. Reassurance of your care and love. Tell them how you keep them in safety.
-      Be patience in answering their questions.
-      Children might keep acting out the disaster. Set gentle but firm limits in these plays.
Allow him to join good deeds in helping people in need, like donating their pocket money, writing out their care etc.
 
Children over 12 years of age
 
-      Provide extra attention
-      Communication and discussion can be more open as teens understand death better. They are able to analyze the events with their own perspectives. Sometimes they might take relatively different perspectives then yours. Encourage them to seek information about the disasters and talk to you about their feelings and experiences. Respect their views so that they will respect yours.
-      Teenagers will benefit from participating in efforts to help others who have suffered harm in the disaster. Encourage active involvement in community work and good deeds through school or with the families.
-      Often teenagers show both sadness and anger. Although they are able to comprehend the events and sort out ways to cope with it, they lack the real problem solving experiences to understand and express their feelings of helplessness. Talking about their feelings, opinions and helping others will help them to work through their emotions
 

 
 
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Content Provider: Tina Stephenson (Child Behavior Management Specialist)